I think you are being too harsh it looks really good! I have made some notes that I hope will help you think about some of the strengths that you can carry forward and also a couple of areas that could be improved upon. I hope this helps, please come to find me in the staffroom or mail me to arrange a time and we can discuss in more detail...
Firstly the titles themselves, very quick! Judge how long they need to be up there for by reading them at normal speed and adding on two or three seconds. If in doubt then have a look at one of the clips on the blog and make a note of how long they each stay up for. Remember all of the audience needs time to read it not just the quickest reader in the audience!
I love the way the title "Ryan and Jonathon" comes on in a gap in the action, hooray you were paying attention!! That is really lovely, in fact whether you did or not, the placing is so well done that it looks like you filmed this shot with that space in mind for the title to go into - gorgeous.
However the next one comes up in not quite as good a gap, so try to follow this through with all of your titles as much as poss not just the odd one. WHile we are on titles I think you have the ordering a bit back to front, please refer back to your research, generally the stars of the film come up before the actual film title and then it goes into supporting cast. A minor point but important.
I like the music v much, the long-held string notes very effectively build tension and discomfort. Do bear in mind to build this up slowly though, thrillers are all about building up the tension throughout, not whacking you over the head as soon as you walk through the door (not that you do this here , just saying) - a lot of the sequences we have looked at have normal everyday things going but there is just a little something not quite right, subtlety is the key. THe music mix was excellent and very smoothly and expertly dropped down for the dialogue well done.
I like the POV shot of Ryan approaching the table especially when you carry that through to him sitting down, this looks great! All the more point of view because it is not just like another camera angle but is actually carrrying out quite a human action (sitting down). Again well done very successful.
Finally the shot reverse shot is good but just keep an eye on the framing, have a look at those shots are they exactly as you would want them, how could they be improved? I like the angle on these shots though, slightly low angle from Ryan to make the HM look daunting, slightly high from HM to make Ryan look vulnerable, these little decisions and subtleties whether in camera, mise en scene, editing or sound will be what makes your film a success, and that is why you need to plan your film very carefully.
Well done, please plan carefully I look forward to seeing where you are at on Monday...